San Fransisco Here I come

There's a big bicycle ride in California next month called AIDS Lifecycle & I'm going not to ride but see how it works. I found this organization called Positive Pedlers & I hope to meet these Knights on carbon molly steeds.

I like their motto "Eliminating stigma through our positive public example."

How bold & daring even though I'm pretty out about my status.  I may even buy one of their kick ass jerseys and wear it to the gym or the riding my bike to the beach.  

 I have my air booked and a guest house reserved. I even have one interview of some one how said he'd be willing to share his story here so  I'll finally get a point of view other than my own here

Keeping up

While sitting at my desk, slow day so far (one client ) I checked out HIV related You Tubes (how to do the 20 minute test) and peoples stories. OMGosh how were the same.

I read this on someone woman's comment on her video

My God! 'You' have HIV? Boy, it really is true that HIV is not always obvious, girl! You look so darned healthy, girl. W-o-w. Pardon my cliche ignorance, girl. Good luck to you, good luck. And keep on looking healthy! Jesus! Thanks for showing us viewers that 'looks' often don't show that a person is positive. By doing just that in itself----just by showing your healthy-looking face to us----, you are educating us... Thanks for that in itself, dear woman.

-------

Rock out that people can be supportive!!

Hope does spring eternal

Next I checked out "ImStillJosh" a 24 year old guy in Tennessee who really has his stuff in order

Check out his blog  http://imstilljosh.com/  and have that WOW moment your self.

Never thought I'd do it

Ok, ok, I'll admit it, I went to a "bath house" this weekend. I've heard stories about them and since there are a couple of options in my town, I picked one that seemed both friendly (define that for your self) and clean.

Who knew a Sunday afternoon would be popular but the parking lot was 80% filled.

Getting in felt like going to a check cashing store in a bad area: bullet proof glass and clerks who were either too busy or just surely.

Got my towel & locker key and headed in. I will admit being impressed by a nice high end fitness gym work out area (wishing I had brought my work out gear) and the bright TV area, clean floors etc.

Just like meeting men in a bar, lots of looking but in a different state of dress or undress as it were, we all wore towels around our waist. No A & F logos to be found felt like a bit of an equalizer.


Well, being the shy guy that I am I was pleased to quickly meet a nice guy who I "entertained" and glad I had condoms & lube with me.  That was in this maze of a steam room.  I guess two guys making out can bring out everyone (and I MEAN everyone's outer whore) men were grabbing me and this guy. 
I politely swatted unwanted hands and focused as I tend to, on one man.

Now that my welcome felt good I showered and walked around to find a pool & hot tub all outside (remember Im from the north and living in SE FL for only 22 months this was intriguing)

Since I really like the meditative feel of hot tubs I got in while two guys were talking.

I added my 2 cents worth and found one guy & I had a friend connection right off.  Rico was also new to the area from New York but born in Puerto Rico.   Thank goodness I know how to roll my "R"s so our conversation about the Enchanted Isle went smooth.

He and his partner both want to find ways to connect with others not sexually and since Im in the same boat we exchanged numbers.

The rest of the day was uneventful and I left feeling a bit more empty spiritually, The sex was good and a tad risque but a real connection didn't happen with Rico being the exception. 

When I left, I was out a few dollars, some lube and the three condoms I came in with.

I did get out in time to hit my own gym and get a legitimate work out in and that felt so much better

Not all about me

I'm going to try to get stories on other guys experiences with being gay & positive.  We are not alone in this

Tonight I'm going to a pizza party/pot luck held by a social group called B.O.L.T. or Bringing Our Lives Together.  I've heard  a fair number of people who show up at B.O.L.T. events are like me

Better Each Day

Today would be D's and mine fourth anniversary.  Am I sad he left me?  Only a bit otherwise I wouldn't be writing about this.  I've met some fun guys and far too many who are in the same boat: just out of a relationship.

Do I crave one? Hell yes!  It's companionship I desire, a best friend, one man for one man.

Oh I could have (and did) enjoy some non personal connections but in the end I've felt empty.

Each day, I give blessings for health, work and a home of my own (more so that the room mate skipped out)

Jallen Rix wrote a song called "Better Than Before"  (sadly I can't find the lryrics) who's words meet me now so I'll end with some from Romanovsky & Phillips

Living with love, not living in fear
Healing with hope and drawing them near
It's a place to begin, it's a step we can take
Empowering people whose lives are at stake
Living with love, not living in fear
Embracing the light when shadows appear
It's a place to begin, it's a good way to start
Releasing the power we hold in our hearts

"Plan to Stay That Way"

No that I'm back to being single I've been using all the ways available to find a date or such.

This is something no one ever says in person but will write in an online profile

"Negative and plan to stay that way"   Understood but why be so blunt?  What's wrong with just "Safe"

I never and don't really know anyone who PLANNED on becoming HIV positive.   UB2: that's about the same thing

How about we as a community, men who like sex and or the company of men say "I'm honest can UB2?"

Now, how I live, have relations with is our business.  I don't and never will judge some one for what may be odd like "panties" "420" "Hard core leather sex"   It's all about who you are & like.
Saying online UB2 or Plan on staying that way is, to me, expressing a fear or someone not trusting them selves or being/feeling so powerless to say "NO" to something they don't like

I say NO to liver,  No to ice cream and NO to carbs but I'm not compelled to say Plan to never eat them

Ok rant over so lets return to regular programing  and as Sergeant Phil Esterhaus: Hey, let's be careful out there.

 

Real People

M. is a fiend of mine, a good one (thus the initial of "M" instead of his real name).  He's a pretty good entertainer, fun to be with, worldly wise and super out going. 

I learned that after a show he likes to "unwind" with some cocktails.  Not one  or two but a few hours worth.  No big deal, he spends a lot of time getting ready and he's really got a one of kind show.

Well, turns out even between shows, he REALLY likes that bar stool. So much so he'll be at one or the other of his favorite places when they open at 9am till about 6pm.  Sipping, chatting and after the first hour, telling people how they should run their lives.

Odd thing about M is that he says often, lets go to this place since L, the bar tender is "real people."

Real people to M includes that bartender, all of the other bar tenders at one other place too and any one who agrees with him.

What makes them "real people" I've asked, & "M" says they're genuine and nice.   Heck on my job I'm genuine and nice too.  People don't pay me (i.e. TIP) to be nice though.


Recently "M" left his phone on the bar at his favorite and most regular place.

Since then he's said "Now I know why people despise going out, they're all mean and unkind"

This past weekend, after the phone loss on Friday he hasn't been out to any of the bars since & today he said, "I think I'll be pulling back on the drinking"

Technically "M" is an alcoholic.   Even though he's said he's not his behavior sure fits the mold and after I've dated more than MY fair share of alcoholics, I know one when I see one.

I love "M" so much I  started enabling him but in the past four weeks not at all.  I leave when he pontificates.

It almost broke up our friendship.   After today when he knocked on my door asking for help to get this new phone turned on, he said he'd had enough.  Did he admit the real problem? 

Time will tell, but until then, he's agreed we'll talk more but that I won't stay friends with some one ingenue about his own self.

Yes,  l love "M" and even more so I love myself and will stand my ground to keep my life from going back wards.

That's all any one can do