Not all about me

I'm going to try to get stories on other guys experiences with being gay & positive.  We are not alone in this

Tonight I'm going to a pizza party/pot luck held by a social group called B.O.L.T. or Bringing Our Lives Together.  I've heard  a fair number of people who show up at B.O.L.T. events are like me

Better Each Day

Today would be D's and mine fourth anniversary.  Am I sad he left me?  Only a bit otherwise I wouldn't be writing about this.  I've met some fun guys and far too many who are in the same boat: just out of a relationship.

Do I crave one? Hell yes!  It's companionship I desire, a best friend, one man for one man.

Oh I could have (and did) enjoy some non personal connections but in the end I've felt empty.

Each day, I give blessings for health, work and a home of my own (more so that the room mate skipped out)

Jallen Rix wrote a song called "Better Than Before"  (sadly I can't find the lryrics) who's words meet me now so I'll end with some from Romanovsky & Phillips

Living with love, not living in fear
Healing with hope and drawing them near
It's a place to begin, it's a step we can take
Empowering people whose lives are at stake
Living with love, not living in fear
Embracing the light when shadows appear
It's a place to begin, it's a good way to start
Releasing the power we hold in our hearts

"Plan to Stay That Way"

No that I'm back to being single I've been using all the ways available to find a date or such.

This is something no one ever says in person but will write in an online profile

"Negative and plan to stay that way"   Understood but why be so blunt?  What's wrong with just "Safe"

I never and don't really know anyone who PLANNED on becoming HIV positive.   UB2: that's about the same thing

How about we as a community, men who like sex and or the company of men say "I'm honest can UB2?"

Now, how I live, have relations with is our business.  I don't and never will judge some one for what may be odd like "panties" "420" "Hard core leather sex"   It's all about who you are & like.
Saying online UB2 or Plan on staying that way is, to me, expressing a fear or someone not trusting them selves or being/feeling so powerless to say "NO" to something they don't like

I say NO to liver,  No to ice cream and NO to carbs but I'm not compelled to say Plan to never eat them

Ok rant over so lets return to regular programing  and as Sergeant Phil Esterhaus: Hey, let's be careful out there.

 

Real People

M. is a fiend of mine, a good one (thus the initial of "M" instead of his real name).  He's a pretty good entertainer, fun to be with, worldly wise and super out going. 

I learned that after a show he likes to "unwind" with some cocktails.  Not one  or two but a few hours worth.  No big deal, he spends a lot of time getting ready and he's really got a one of kind show.

Well, turns out even between shows, he REALLY likes that bar stool. So much so he'll be at one or the other of his favorite places when they open at 9am till about 6pm.  Sipping, chatting and after the first hour, telling people how they should run their lives.

Odd thing about M is that he says often, lets go to this place since L, the bar tender is "real people."

Real people to M includes that bartender, all of the other bar tenders at one other place too and any one who agrees with him.

What makes them "real people" I've asked, & "M" says they're genuine and nice.   Heck on my job I'm genuine and nice too.  People don't pay me (i.e. TIP) to be nice though.


Recently "M" left his phone on the bar at his favorite and most regular place.

Since then he's said "Now I know why people despise going out, they're all mean and unkind"

This past weekend, after the phone loss on Friday he hasn't been out to any of the bars since & today he said, "I think I'll be pulling back on the drinking"

Technically "M" is an alcoholic.   Even though he's said he's not his behavior sure fits the mold and after I've dated more than MY fair share of alcoholics, I know one when I see one.

I love "M" so much I  started enabling him but in the past four weeks not at all.  I leave when he pontificates.

It almost broke up our friendship.   After today when he knocked on my door asking for help to get this new phone turned on, he said he'd had enough.  Did he admit the real problem? 

Time will tell, but until then, he's agreed we'll talk more but that I won't stay friends with some one ingenue about his own self.

Yes,  l love "M" and even more so I love myself and will stand my ground to keep my life from going back wards.

That's all any one can do

It's So Big!!

My little Asus eee machine (notebook computer) had its memory doubled already  yet I still over used it.
too much music, lots of photos (I like to watch),massive Power Points (r) and gobs of writing took too much out of what should have been a great back up tool. 

It's replacement was and still is a total pain to set up so I bought a DELL inspire something.  It's 2x the size of my note books.   When setting  up the couple of email accounts (one  I use mainly for this blog) I realized I hadn't saved my user info.  Well now due some fancy searching I found PositiveLines email account and here's my first entry on the DELL.

Soon, after a few more readers & followers join me I can add ads & make some $ here

Add caption

Needs

Needs, want's & such are IMHO often confused.  I know I desire a good relationship, quality friends, health, housing and a decent wage for what I do.

Seeking those is part of setting goals, some thing I try to do and evaluate now & then. 
Long term goals and short term goals are often confused (by me at least) so I look at each of them and see where I am with each one


Moving from the cold of the midwest was a 7 year goal and by setting short term goals of working harder, saving more money and adujusting for a major change helped that process and here I am; Sunny Ft Lauderdale.

Becoming certified in one field of work was a goal I had since moving here a year ago.  It took a bit longer than I expected but it happened and now I'm working in that field. 


Now I'm thinking about what someone said the other day "I'm horny and I want it NOW"
If  I don't get laid I'm getting a bathouse membership and getting all I can

 Sure, I get or feel desirous of sexual companionship and in no way am I a prude that way but to say  out loud "I'm horny and I want it NOW" just didn't sit right.   But then again, thats me and since this is my blog & story, well you get the picture.

What that comment did for me was to think about what I do or want when hormones kick in.
Dreaming of the ideal mate helps; thinking up beat thoughts helps; being kind helps and just being there for  others does too.

I can say thats what MY needs & wants are: Happiness in a form that fits my style 

Just a bit older

Whoa, what happened?  I was just getting used to my age then WHAM like a brick wall, despite the warning signs but who in South  Florida pays attention to those,  it hit me!!  One year older as of Dec. 13.

To keep this blog the "any man" I'll leave it to be my age now ends with a 9. 

Should be nothing to write home about so I'll write it here.


With no real plans to do much on a date in mid December when my age ends in a 9, I thought meeting a few friends for a small dinner out would be nice. That changed when Brett said "Honey, for showing me so much about this area I didn't even know existed, I'm gonna cook you up some thing special" and he did


Instead of eating out and with Bretts kitchen being so much smaller  than mine, after he spent the day shopping he took over the 5th Ave kitchen making 'ka bobs, bbq ribs, potatoes and what all.

Of course the room mate was on the invite list as well as the man who invited US for Thanksgiving and his  man. 

We talked & learned more about each other, ate (did I mention Brett cooked a LOT of food?) and just enjoyed a nice quiet night in

Thats a positive life for me :)